Monday, December 03, 2012

How do I Move Forward When All I Want is to be Still?

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hosting a Vision Board Experience. It was filled with joy, personal discovery, love and peace.  Women gathered, met and began to scan through hundreds of magazines - looking for the images and words to match the feelings and desires they wanted to have on their Vision Board.  The end results were varied and beautiful.  We shared, visualized and shared gratitude.

Now, I love hosting workshops or group experiences.  LOVE it.

What I am now coming to terms with is the aftermath of the all the prep ( which started with soup prep the night before and then up at 6 a.m. - to complete preparations - and then the workshop itself and then the take down). Normally I am not in a rush to put things away - I am blessed to have the space to leave items lingering around. Today, I thought I would start the clean up - however my body is in shut down mode.

I deal with a few issues, swollen injured ankle, bulging disc in my low back, degenerative discs in my neck and chronic pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia.  So last night after dinner and sitting for about an hour - movement without support was almost impossible.  Shuffle between rooms was my mode.

Today I am shut down completely. Twice in the hot tub last night, once before dinner and again at 12:30 a.m. when the shooting pains and aches could no longer be tolerated.  This morning -- my intention....full self care -- so I had a wonderful breakfast, started a fire, did very very gentle yoga - had two naps and have been moving as much as possible; I have an appointment for reflexology here at the house, which is fabulous - because I am not sure I can drive, I have taken pain medication and now all I want to do is cry.  Cry and release this pain that builds so intensely in my body.

So now I cry - now the pain is released.  The intensity of it eases; the ache lessens and I feel a bit more prepared to get on with the next part of my day.  A bit.

The question now becomes -- how do I continue to host workshops and be well?

How do I move forward when all I want to do is to be still.

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