"Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design." -- Jim Rohn
I love the quote above. Why? Well, because it suggests we are responsible for our own happiness. Something I discovered and have rediscovered again and again as I have moved through these last 48 years.
I am responsible for my own happiness. I wanted to be happy when I grew up and I bet you did too. I bet when you are speaking about your children, about your friends, or your parents – you say, ‘ I don’t care what they do; as long as they are happy.’ True? True.
Happy, happiness, big meaning. What does it mean to you? Of course it is subjective, relative and an in the moment answer. You could be out in the freezing biting rain, and you would be happy to be dry and warm by the fire. You could be in a horrible relationship and be happy to be on your own or you could be alone and be happy to be in a relationship. Do you see how we could go around in circles with this?
This brings me back to personal, responsibility with regard to happiness. I am happy right now – I am sitting in my beautiful home, looking out over the snow covered garden and writing (typing). So right now I am having a moment of happiness.
My life is held together with threads of these moments – each tied to a memory; each reaching for the next moment. While I have these threads weaving my life together, holding me up, supporting me– I say I AM happy and that would be true; I feel happy, I look happy. It would also be true to say I deal with depression. Some of my threads are darker than others – all weaving the story of my happy life; my charmed life.
I was diagnosed with depression officially some 9 years ago. Now, all through my life time I have had moments of depression, seasons as it were. I come in and go out – it welcomes me and greets me like a long lost friend. I sink into it – remembering the language, remembering the routines; the rhythms of this mysterious world.
Would you believe me if I said I am happy and depressed? I would. I do. I am. I believe it because I can express gratitude for moments in my day; my week, my month and my life. I can do it when I am in the dark and I can do it when I am in the light. I am bilingual as it were, sitting in the dark, speaking the language of the light. I am actually blessed to live in this world of duality – the one where I search, I seek and I find the joy, the light and the happy moments. I see them, I feel them and I love them.
I also love the darkness – it wraps me up, comforts me and welcomes me without question – there is no effort on my part to sink back into the world of comfort, comfort for me. This world is where I speak more to my guides, ask my angels for help and pray more. This is the world where I put effort to keep going; talk myself into the light. From this world I make conscious choices.
This brings me back to the quote. I feel my happiness is earned, received and appreciated. I take full responsibility for it, ask for it and accept it with gratitude when it is received. I do not expect others to fulfill my happiness, to create it or to be the responsible for it. I am the one. I say to you; you are the one. You are the one!
2 comments:
Thank you Karen for sharing this. As I read your beautiful poetry about the darkness and the light, I felt too that I was with you. I have days that wax and wane in the same way. Sometimes it seems to be such an effort to pull myself up and out, other time it is easy as can as a smile.
Thank you for sharing what also resides in my own heart, the gratitude for life that although not present in every moment is really just around the corner waiting for me to rediscover its beauty.
I can soooo relate to this! Thank you for sharing. It really helps to know you are not alone on this journey and that there are others that experience what you feel is your unique personal struggle.
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